my husband doesn't like to socialize

There are several reasons why your husband or boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram: He is getting ideas to spice up your sex life or to buy you some presents for your birthday, Christmas, or another special occasion. My Husband Left Me For Another Woman. Having been married to someone who was not particularly social, let me explain how I took this. If women want to help, they MUST allow one of the above to suffer. Chances are, whether or not the husband dislikes his wife's friends doesn't appear on your list. For the underlying reasons mentioned above, such a suggestion is likely to be met with resistance, so its better to approach the topic gently. My husband likes to go to peoples houses and stay for the whole day. Hes Not Blissful, How To Survive Divorce: 15 Tips To Getting Through It, The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children, My Ex Moved On Immediately: 3 Seconds After We Got Separated In Fact. She also starts going out with girlfriends. Also, maybe the antisocial person could have a say in who the two of you go out with. I follow him and do my best effort, but he is so friendly and open that I feel uncomfortable and people compare and assume I am bitchy and antisocial. My soon to be ex wife is extroverted. Aug. 17, 2018. No affection can be one of the first things to happen in a relationship after you get married and have children. An introvert in contrast is simply shy. You can still be there for him and your child but also can be there for yourself. Maybe after a couples dinner, the next day, the couple can binge watch something on Netflix or spend the day at the beach, just the two of them. I have a salary job and I still have to ask my dad for money, our rent isnt that much. Your email address will not be published. I am the husband with no social life. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. I married HER. Ive been to parties with her, some willingly, and some reluctantly, and the thing is, I would have enjoyed myself more at them had my wife just let me be myself, and not get angry about whether or not I wanted to be there. By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. She has a job and yet Im always tight on money. OK, well youd like that back. I feel bad.. may b he is not wrong. And Im really glad I no longer have to rack my brain to come up with an original, romantic, epic date every weekend. My husband doesn't want kids. By any means, this does not mean to make him jealous! I dont care about their kids or their health or their inane small talk that is so intellectually retarded it makes me cringe. Im introverted. Your husband may not even be aware of what he has done and how it has affected you. Nothing you say or do changes his mind because he just doesn't value the relationship enough to try to save it. Weve had our electric and internet shit off twice because she used the money to go shopping. So, the logical step is for your husband to identify his favorite things to do and talk about, and seek out communities related to them. I wish I could change the way that I am but Im just me. Joes lack of friends doesnt really seem to be a problem except for when Jane leaves to spend time with hers. He explained that he does not care about what other people do or say. Joe loves to spend time with Jane, and Jane loves to spend time with Joe The problem is, Jane also loves to spend time with her friends, and Joe doesnt really have any. Encourage him to get help and facilitate itmeaning find a therapist, etc. Life is to damned short.Im moving on. Maybe theyll get it, maybe they wont, who gives a shit, they dont give a shit about us. He is only interested in his own world and his own thing. Friends. Instead of accusing your spouse of having no friends, ask them questions about why they choose to isolate themselves, talk about the importance of your own social relationships, and eventually (maybe not the first time you talk about it), try to uncover some of the insecurities or fears that are holding them back. I used to have the same problem, but I solved it with a compromise. Maybe he doesnt realize it. This isn't a rom com . he also seems antisocial and this is the only reason we fight. 6. He has actually said that I have a problem for wanting him to go and I should see a counsellor. Force him to attend and watch him crawl out of his skin with boredom and stress 4. I feel tricked. For example, Phil, youre right in that your wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort. Not the spouse who was not what you wanted, that you chose, anyways. Dr. Dana Fillmore, Author, TV Relationship Expert and Clinical Psychologist offers Matt and Angie some new [], Put as directly as possible no. Whats the fight about? Especially Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. This blog is hitting home with me. I feel were both happier and love each other more, and enjoy time together when we can. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . You can not always have your own way when it comes to choosing restaurants or things to do. We're retiring soon and I'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem. Personally, I was always willing to accommodate my wife and go out to parties with her. It is a fundamental part of who we are. My ex was always trying to change me into someone else someone more social more like him and it just didnt work. So I cant disagree with your assertion that having an antisocial spouse can lead to separation and divorce. This fits me to a T. I dont like dealing with big groups because it is draining and exhausting to try to talk over a bunch of loudmouths who never shut up. My husband says he has no friends because of me and its because I have to know who hes going out with. They want to see him, too, because he's part of the family to them. Your partner is socially awkward, and it affects their one-on-one interactions with you. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. 4. Changing your own behavior may trigger your spouse to want to make changes. I have an aunt that divorced her husband of 15 years because he refused to be social and would not take her dancing on weekends. Sometimes people just need time for themselves to catch their breath and others need to be understanding. What you are describing as antisocial is actually being introverted. Im the introvert in my relationship. Guess What? My husband however has always been a man to drag his feet when it comes to socializing . I completely agree Phil. I might just as well not be there. Talk to him. That means I might spend an entire evening eating somewhere I dont want to eat or going somewhere I dont want to go or hearing a bunch of profanity or political talk I dont agree with. I worry that this will become a far greater issue when we are retired, and we find ourselves at home together all the time. He won't even consider it. And might I add that watching tv with her is no picnic as she sits there and passes gas for hours and hours. Same with me. Time to move on and live life, not staying home and smelling their farts all evening. Its okay to be an introvert or not attending social functions. I hate being among large groups of people I dont know very well, and find making small talk very difficult. I dont even use social media. we are on vacation with his friends and all they do is talk about the past and people they know, this does not interest me how can you join the conversation? Yes I went out on dates and was somewhat social before we were married. When you picture a husband making phone calls instead of doing the evening dinner routine (cooking, eating, cleaning) and disappearing on weekends instead of fixing the house, what kind of husband comes to mind immediately? 9. My husband wasnt a very extroverted person when we married, but he has become really social and extroverted 12 years later, and I continue to be introverted. Also he moved out of our house to be away from me and to be alone. When the most important thing in the world is the nuclear family, friends are simply too expensive. Its no wonder that male suicide rates are through the roof when our issues get so little sympathy from the people weve invested our lives into. I told her, had she stayed and actually was a part of the conversation, maybe things would have been different. I probably would do more with him outside the home but going out means him drinking. Relationships with women fail the cost/benefit analysis every time. We have watched you go to family functions and wander outside or check your phone as we feel embarassed that our guests feel they are being ignored. If he had always been like that, I would have a different response, but the change means he is hurting emotionally. I could persuade him to come in but hes linger forever outside before he finally comes in. Ive never been the party type, not in the 14 years we have been together. Good for you. For Hope, the reckoning that her spouse didn't feel the same way about her anymore came from the fact that she felt like she didn't know him anymore. My husband doesn't want kids. 2) Don't Criticize or Correct. Other than that, I am fine on my own or with others. For me it's the opposite; my female partner has no close family or friends, and views any suggestion that I, a male, needs to make any new friends. But in all fairness, he cant do anything about it if you dont express what you need. Simply open up the conversation and make him aware of your feelings. Hopefully he'll change his attitude and you'll leave with some new skills. Required fields are marked *. We've occasionally joked about it; what we'd . In short, I need friends and he doesn't. If you are married to someone antisocial, instead of working on changing your spouses behaviour, it might be more constructive to work on the way you perceive your spouse instead or, as you say, look for social situations in which your spouse would be comfortable. I dont know how much more I can take. I am not into big groups where people do nothing but talk the whole time and never give you a chance to talk. These family members are around your daughters to? But he simply won't go. The problem isn't your job. Thier business may be thier business, but that doesn't mean you want thier business to be in your home too. I have few friends and like it that way. "We had been having problems for a while. Its been 18 years and I have tried compromise ie go to only a few and Ill be happy. Sometimes people have trust issues if they've been hurt in the past. ASK for what you want.Dont NOT ask and then resent because the other person didnt give you what you wanted. There is a saying that says what may work for you may not work for me. Your husband doesn't want a partner, he wants a microwavesomething to heat up his dinner. The point is that insecurity takes many forms, and even if your spouse doesnt recognize it, its likely at the root of their problems. My husband has no friends or hobbies is a statement I hear so often from unhappily married women and women who are thinking about getting divorced.They tell me that the spouse is antisocial, not interested in making plans with other couples, or going to parties or events. You dont have to please everyone. If they do go out, they may not talk to many people, or cling to you the whole night. Ive had to call in sick to work just to get housework and chores done (I work 50 hours a week and I work nights, I sleep during the day) and she goes out and smokes weed or drinks with her friends when she gets off work. 2023 Divorced Girl Smiling.All rights reserved. Truth is I am bored to death and find it a pointless waste of time. Im looking at this from the outside in, but it sounds like your husband is depressed. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really dislikes most social situations. Worse, it can have a seriously negative impact on your marriage if a lack of friends isnt intentional. He is 4years older than me and just doesnt want to do anything. So back to the advice. We started to socialize with people more like us (middle aged with small kids), in smaller groups where we could talk more, no drunken dance parties. He's no longer interested in intimacy. However, I often find that he has a blast once hes in the moment with friends. Going out might seem silly to you, but I enjoy it and think it is important for our relationship. But the truth is that part of being a good person and a (begrudging) part of a community yes, your building is a community is sucking it up sometimes and having a two minute conversation about someone's cat or kid or the weather. This sounds like something straight out of the movie I Love You, Man and it pretty much is! Some of these spouses should realize that cheating is not the way to go and that a relationship is not based on constantly socializing with others. Privacy Policy. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. Before we get any further into this, lets imagine a scenario that may be all too familiar: Picture an average couple, lets call them Joe and Jane. However if people approach me I am ok with carrying the conversation and Im friendly. I think its unfair to call someone anti-social just because they dont enjoy *your* idea of social occasions. If she wants to spend time with anyone but you get rid of them. All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. We are completely different in terms of our social lives. It can be the first sign of an abusive partner (And it doesn't matter whether the partner is male or female). When I would tell her what my response was to people who asked, she would get mad that I said that, because she was embarrassed about it. Its not OK to fight in front of the kids about any topic, no matter [], For all of the issues that can come up in a marriage, one is far more common than all the others. It is not wrong to want to go out two nights a week. I am a divorced man who hates going out and cant stand dating. In short, both my husband and my attitude, is that 'our family' is us, exactly as you defined yours: my husband and I and our two kids. I think the most hurtful thing about my separation was realising that the person I married couldnt give me that. Someone above mentioned how they felt introversion is not something that can be fixed, and I agree. But accommodating the needs of your partner cuts both ways. Even with family, at the beach or even Sea World. He is also very smart and finds most conversations boring. How old are the kids? 3) Confront him. I hope that helps. Why does my wife nag me constantly to go out with other couples and to parties?. In my opinion it is important for both people in the relationship to have their own interests and friendships. Yes, change takes time, but consider his progress. Then she got upset at me for not being upset she dumped me. It was clear to me she cared more about her friends, and even their husbands, than me. What Is The #1 Issue Or Problem In Your Marriage? Please work with me. Do NOT mock your husband for doing so. I even will think of things for the two of us to do together by ourselves and he still isnt happy. Im 32 and shes 25, her brother whos 21 is far more financially responsible. This is nothing to do with being anti-social, it means you have the *wrong* friends, and your husband finds them boring or worse. I want him to be the way he used to be. Similarly Id probably have more fun out my myself, but I also know theyre not compatible with a happy marriage. An occasional sacrifice of love should suffice for the couple who are opposite personalities: Ill tolerate this boring party to be at your side, if you tolerate my need to be alone /in a more deep intimate setting.. That is just their perception. Men should be sexy, so we need to work out. You have to spend alone time with your spouse not always go out. If Jane wants to spend time with her friends, Joe either comes along (not an ideal scenario for Jane, who needs to enjoy her freedom and connect with people other than Joe to feel fulfilled), or he stays home by himself (which he does not enjoy he wants to be with Jane). Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. Nobody is magic. My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to check his CNN feed than his Facebook feed, and thinks that tweeting is what birds do. It makes me cringe when he starts talking politics in a crowd. Be yourself and dont ever change. Totally agree. Then Dr. Dana will send you additional free coaching via email. Even if [], Your email address will not be published. Let go and just enjoy that you made your wife happy. I hate going anywhere with my husband and his friends be ause they are all loud, it has to involve drinking and pointless conversation talking about everyone as if we were back in high school. Wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort me that years I..., barely speaking to or connecting with your wife happy and watch crawl... ; ll change his attitude and you & # x27 ; t want kids podcast and app Love. Shit off twice because she used the money to go out two nights week. Could have a problem except for when Jane leaves to spend time with your spouse not always out. Changing your own way when it comes to socializing is so intellectually retarded it makes me cringe he! 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