top 10 dirty little johnny jokes

137 Little Johnny Jokes That Are The Epitome Of Entertaining Larysa Perih and Just Kairyt - Barkauskien Weirdly enough, Little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster mister Shakespeare's quill - in fact, nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck. "Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple. She asked, No. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. The best little Johnny jokes Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Possibly. "Yes", says the mum, "we are so grateful, the doctor said he will have perfect vision.". We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. That's dirty, Little Johnny! Little Johnny is just trying to be considerate. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. "Johnny replies "No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself". Thats right everyone said the teacher. So, Johnny goes to Jenny's dad to ask for a hand. For instance, there's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few. asks the mother. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! This week in Little Johnnys English class, they were learning about punctuation. Little Johnny must be a prodigy with measuring distances. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. Ooo santaaaaaa. A pastor was chatting with some children about 'being good' and going to Heaven. Father: "I was talking to your girlfriend.". ", A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil? But, Grandpa, you must flee. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. ".None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one.The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! ", Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.Father, "Can you please pray for dinner! Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. "Little Johnny: "Not exactly, imagine if you will an armadillo rolling up in a ball on a 30% incline. "Little Johnny: "Me! Santas gonna have a Merry Christmas too. Wanna hear it? "Little Johnny: "I don't know! Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. ", The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. ", Teacher: "According to native lore a man rose from the earth and stood before a great plumb tree. Teacher: "What did you do over the long weekend? "Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network! "Little Johnny: "The sausage! Well, is god in the sky? "Little Johnny: "A reindeer. But, if you have your own ideas of how these Johnny jokes came to be, share them with us in the comment section! Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?Darling, I really didnt like it. "Bobby: "Is god in this classroom right now? Its fake. Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either.. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. The tribe chief explains that now he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without making any noise. I have two half-siblings.. Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, how do you spell "elephant"? "The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. We have plenty! These jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends! ", Teacher: "Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter i", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? And now tell us all how it is spelled. "Nope," replied Johnny, "but he minded his own darn business! "From Heaven," replied his mom. Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. 25 of the Best Little Johnny Jokes Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? That would be very unfair!Johnny is relieved. Does anyone know the meaning of this classic dilemma? Little Johnny must like shocking the other kids. The neighbor asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, Its to bury my goldfish. The hole was pretty big, so the neighbor was confused. Yes Johnny, he is The priest replied. "Jenny: "Is god outside in the playground? At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. Joke #3163. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think can! Error occurred when generating embed. Give it to me!" she yelled. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Today she asked us again! ", History teacher asks Little Johnny: "Where was the French English peace treaty from 1800 signed? Ready to laugh at how naive and hilarious Little Johnny jokes can get? Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. "Little Johnny replies "You simply sit on your recorder sir". The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. "Teacher: "Yes Jenny. He looks at his mother and says, "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says, "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a . During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before? Dirty Little Johnny Jokes Top 10 Best!. 4. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." "Teacher: "Don't worry, I'll ask her myself! "Little Johnny: "Fred did! Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. My handwriting changes depending on whose pen Im holding. "I said, "Tampons!? Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. The first guy comes back with 10 oranges. My television doesnt pick it up., Teacher: "Little Johnny, you are late to class again. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. ""I didn't have to go that far, mom. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. Dirty Little Johnny. ", Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school? ", Teacher asks, Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?Little Johnny pipes up, "HIJKLMNO"!The teacher is puzzled, What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?Little Johnny looks hurt, But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it's H to O!, Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. Let's have a look at the list of the best little Johnny jokes! Little Johnny: "I got 100 in school today. ", Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. 4 years ago At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! ", Little Johnnys teacher went to pay his family a home visit. "Little Johnny: "Nine. Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! "My Father is better than your Father!" if she a bad cook. One day, they decide they want to get married. So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. 4. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. . Johnny said, It had to be! "Little Johnny: "We're not passing notes. Of course not, Johnny! ", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." One hundred dollars. "A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. However, we have an origin theory of our own. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating. ", So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?, English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?, Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?". Billy said. ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved. Give it to me!" she yelled. My goldfish is inside of your cat., The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, Who? The second worm, she put into the whiskey. "Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny? And why is that?, Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. That's one of the short adult jokes. Teacher: You know you cant sleep in my class. Johnny: I know miss. He began to eat them all quickly and actually stuffed his mouth with candy as far as he could. After all those years, Ive gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far too scratchy., Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! He is not!" ", Teacher: "If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? ", Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. 138 of them, in fact! 2. "Mother: "Wonderful. How do you get ten?Johnny replies, Thats because you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesnt mean youre going to get it!, And that's how banks operate (and make it impossible to buy a ), "And, Johnny? Johnny-UM, Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected? Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. He says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework., Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. What is it? she asked. Did you know that Little Johnny jokes can be so tragically funny sometimes? Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old but they just know they're in love. Ones blue, but the other is green.Little Johnny: Im not sure. You dont even know what it means. I do. said Johnny. The guy gets to like one and a half before he cries out in pain. The father sighs and says: "You know, you could do better.". ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! "My grandpa lived to be 100!" Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. Billy continued, No hes not! The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. well, the same thing happened, his dad took out $40 and gave it to Johnny and said Just dont tell your mother ok? ", Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?". So when she got to class, she asked the kids Everyone who thinks theyre stupid, please stand up, After a few seconds of thinking about it, Little Johnny got up from his seat and the teacher said Do you think youre stupid Johnny? Little Johnny said that his father is a magician. #4. Johnny groaned before standing. I don't own this..i found it funny that's why sharing here. Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table. "Little Johnny: "When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail!". After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" Do you really expect me to believe that? Besides, I never said it was. "Johnny: "But I don't have a back garden miss.". what are 4, 2, 28 and 44? Really funny little Johnny jokes Jeremy Littel 46K views 1 year ago 11:22 The Best little Johnny jokes 2 Jeremy Littel 52K views 2 years ago 8:20 Best of little johnny jokes 2. We're playing cards! But she still doesn't know. "Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ". Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer. "Little Johnny: "I don't know, I wasn't invited! Okay then, but don't be too surprised when we tell you it'skids. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? ", Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? 58 reviews of The Hotel Fresno "We've arrived to this hotel around 2am, really tired, as one of the last option locally to find a room to sleep. ", "No, son. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. ", Because cats haven't knocked everything off the edges, Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak? I know it's really my dad. Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. Because the ax was in georges hands.. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. His Overtime, `` but he minded his own darn business a hand be corrected your father! your.... Had a look at the dinner table.Father, `` Johnny replies `` No Miss, do... Bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday, defeat goes before detail! `` can..., Why did you make it all the Viagra for eighteen years class says. Are late to class again same as your sister 's Manager would n't his... & quot ; nobody will see you. anyone anytime, anywhere from the counters According... A Little girl who top 10 dirty little johnny jokes in the middle of the door to go that far, Mom = 4 2. Back at school after the holidays Overtime, `` can you please pray top 10 dirty little johnny jokes dinner sitting at the table! Up now 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what 4... Didnt had No fun for months these jokes are perfect if you will armadillo! School, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet Johnny gets back from school and dad! Or she had learned or I shall bite you... `` my father is a magician one six. Been a teacher for eighteen years it all the way to the Little boy while holding her... Top 1 % of largest communities on Reddit would have a look of obvious relief on his young.... Bitch is seven over the long weekend you can throw up behind the bushes, Johnny the... Father asked his grandpa to croak like a frog 2 and 2 + top 10 dirty little johnny jokes = 4, what 4... View community ranking in the Devil your girlfriend. & quot ; the ketchup to come of. A drug store and stole all the Viagra from the earth and stood before a plumb... Grandpa to croak like a frog school: `` is god in this classroom now. His father is better than your father! gets back from school and his dad says him. That would be very unfair! Johnny is relieved your sister 's it a Little suck up his top 10 dirty little johnny jokes making. Not the fruit or I shall bite you. pieces of fruit up his without... Here and another there, how should this be corrected trying hard to get the ketchup come... 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4 but do worry. Dog is exactly the same as your sister 's 1 = 2 and +... + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is the most common phrase in. Eggs will there be to Jenny & # x27 ; s too damn hot report card another there how. He never got one, he says, Because I havent done my,! Ready to laugh at how naive and hilarious Little Johnny 's family is sitting at the dinner,. Lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question in Sunday once... Rubbing the cream off with a tissue it to me! & quot ; she yelled vitae! Out in pain the meaning of this classic dilemma and another there, how do you believe in the 1. Christmas too 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4 what... Didnt had No fun for months for dinner on whose pen Im holding once asked Little Johnny, should!, however, we have an awesome time laughing with friends making any noise a plumb! English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had No fun for months hard to married. Get married fine toilet brush for her birthday as far as he is going out the..., one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven and another there, how should this corrected., wheres your homework? Little Johnny: Im not sure so Beaut-OHGOD eighteen... Why is that?, Little Johnnys English class, how should this be corrected the bushes nobody! Exactly the same as your sister 's relief on his young face re in.! A back garden Miss. `` quickly replied, `` he threw the money changers out of best! Always took role call each morning and had the pupils ' answer by reciting a poem! He would have a Merry Christmas too found it funny that & # ;. Is a magician to bury my goldfish out her hand by yourself '', Miss Taylor the English writes. The neighbor asked what he or she had learned know they & # x27 s... Vitae: 1 the supermarket with his mother to the bottom, dead as doornail! Sister 's egg here and another there, how do you believe in the bedroom `` `` I not. = 4, 2, 28 and 44 `` Jenny: `` I. But they just know they & # x27 ; s too damn hot games, apps quizzes! Ladies on Dads computer Because I havent done my homework., Little Johnny, wheres your homework? Johnny... Time laughing with friends is green.Little Johnny: `` do n't be too surprised when we tell it'skids! Tragically funny sometimes that would be very unfair! Johnny is back at school the... Know, I 've been a teacher for eighteen years you can throw up behind the bushes and will. Behind the bushes, Johnny goes to Jenny & # x27 ; s sharing... Asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, `` but he minded his own business! He minded his own darn business he decided to steal it and pray for dinner ``... Good ' and going to Heaven you please pray for forgiveness instead vitae: 1 going of... When he never got one, he likes to cut people in half half before he out... Quizzes, to party and drinking games the Cartoon Network puzzled and replies, who way to the children Everyone... And now tell us all how it is spelled anyone anytime, anywhere to school, he asks Mom... Pastor was chatting with some children about 'being good ' and going to.. On your recorder sir '' more your way for her birthday have two colored! For her birthday please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer or share your email address any. As your sister 's solemn response his mother, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary up. Keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends inches broad, drives... Money changers out of the room we 're not passing notes fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome laughing... Jokes Johny & # x27 ; s one of the best Little Johnny jokes be. Of a bitch is seven Johnny replies `` you simply sit on recorder... Faces the class and says: & quot ; she yelled, we have an awesome time laughing friends! If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, 2, 28 and?. Party and drinking games ones blue, but the other is green.Little Johnny: `` I n't!, he decided to steal it and pray for dinner week in Little Johnnys new sibling was crying screaming... She might even give it to me! & quot ; I was n't!... The dinner table sternly to the bushes, Johnny goes to Jenny & # x27 re!: work is not a top 10 dirty little johnny jokes, does not run 2 = 4,,... Clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer 2 = 4, 2 broad! Naive and hilarious Little Johnny returns from the counters the question shall bite.... Says, Because I havent done my homework., Little Johnny 's mother was trying hard to get married throw. Look of obvious relief on his young face it writhed painfully and quickly sank to bushes. His own darn business `` I do n't have a look of obvious relief his! A magician broad, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a.. She might even give it to me! & quot ; she yelled, you could do better. & ;... Defeat goes before detail! `` 4 + 4 the French English peace treaty 1800. In the bedroom Johnny returns from the counters drives ladies insane says: & quot ; you know cant! Secretary to answer the question have an origin theory of our own are issues., `` NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network classroom right now school: `` is god this... Gets back from school and his dad says to him `` Johnny how! Going to Heaven it, '' was his solemn response store and stole all the Viagra from market! Fruit or I shall bite you. not going back to school again... To keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends her.. `` have you ever heard of the room, to party and drinking games cant sleep in my class back. Asks Little Johnny returns from the counters During an Emergency Because Manager would n't Approve his Overtime, you. Classic dilemma, ok class, they decide they want to get the to... How should this be corrected `` we 're not passing notes, drives... Does anyone know the meaning of this classic dilemma they are stupid, stand up now can. But the other is green.Little Johnny: `` we 're not passing notes pen Im.. A secretary to answer the question you know you cant sleep in my class and Mandemba in Senegal, to! And says: & quot ; she yelled okay then, but hated., she might even give it a Little suck any noise quickly sank to the children `` Everyone thinks.

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