my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me

So perhaps we can all utalise that hurt to think what have we gained from this HORRIFIC, life changing ordeal & experience ?? Always bending over backwards to make time for me, make my career aspirations come true, a listening ear. PLEASE, DONT TAKE IT AS AN EXUSE, NC should be implemented, because WATEVER INTENTIONS ARE ONE CANNOT STAY IN RELATIONSIPS WITH BPD. A mail with subject `STOP FOR EVER WITH CONTACT!. Its no secret that narcissists are good in bed, and they know this. And each time he shows you just how dysfunctional he is, cementing your decision to leave him alone. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. Granted, we spoke on the phone all the time, but you see what I am getting at. Painful none the less. My ex was a 64 gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he had reconnected with his sister. I know how you feel. Thanks for this insightful input, Healing . One of their manipulative tactics is to cut you down and then say they were just kidding. Without you I feel hollow. Its been a week since our last horrific conversation but I am certain that I will hold onto no contact this time. Since you are connected to him if ways you get out of (children) I think you have to educate yourself and learn to let the things he does roll off ur back. It took me 48 years to finally go to NC. Its lifting me up. (!). I would not be friends with him the first year after the break up even though he begged. He has that spiritual persona and everyone thinks he is so wise and enlightened. Eventually, I started to just get a gut feeling that Ah something was forming between them. How about narcs vs. normals? Reading Suggestion: What is narcissistic Supply? I know I was . I turned to Pintrest for inspirational quotes to occupy my time and uplift me, when all of a sudden I start seeing articles about narcissism and I too felt like I was reading my life. Thank you. LMAO. I could not understand why/how he would use the detriment of our relationship to secure another. I was in love with the way he made me feel. And do not take that as oh great thanks, he will eventually contact me (in 7, 8, 9, 10 years). The gas lighting was the worst. I am continuing in counseling and it is going well, and I will continue to receive counseling as long as my counselor believes I need it. It took me one year to realize, who I was dealing with. He helpt me get some furniture i bought, and with putting a closed together. I told him to F off and all hope I ever had for him was done. Let them know you are in a manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship. Of course I found that out much later. He is sick and will not stop I do not know how to stay away when my daughters and yes me would do anything for him to change. And its hard to live with. The thing that gives me a bad feeling is that in the meantime when he did not contact you he has a lot of fun and totaly forget about you. There were many red flags in the beginning which of course I ignored because it made me felt good seeing her and spending time with her. It lasted a week and I kicked him out. She stated to me she had know idea what the situation was, but when she found out she was upset and removed herself from the situation. You cant go to a no contact sone and get easier over it like people with no children. I can see now after 4 months, why other ppl kept saying they are a better person because of the N. I sure learned the importance of boundaries and trust my gut. Oh, and this girl clearly sleeps around a lot. Johns eloquence at the end is poetically breathtaking too. Go and seek help. She asked for a jury trial. Instead, you should be grateful that someone accepts you as you are, and how dare you even think you can find someone better. He was trying to destroy me, and I fought back. He told the police that he is done whatever that means. 2. I, too, wish there were more male posters. He actually told me, She is the total opposite of youshe is sooo nice, laid back, and she adores and worships me! Now, this is from a man who always made fun of me for being TOO nice and TOO laid back! It makes me want to expose her to her face and the world but i know silence is the best option. He is constantly pointing a finger at me that Im having sex with all these people, if I dont respond to a text he instantly jumps to i have to be with a guy or having sex. Let me know hey. I have no doubt you will one day hear a similar story with this BPD girl and the new supply. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because theyve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag. Some days i feel better and laughing again. Watch videos on YouTube from two people will Explain a lot: Lisa A Romano and Ross Rosenberg shes been there married two of N and he is a educated counselor both very aware info about N with tips for us too. Every conversation came back to him. But if you want to stay friends to help them change and become the awesome person you know theyre capable of being, you will exhaust all your energy on this task. Narc husband says, "no offence, but you're not the first to think of this". If you Google Dr. George K. Simon, youll get plenty of useful information. The only reason theyve mentioned therapy is to manipulate you. As to the rest of them, with higher or lesser degree of sadism, seeing the Narc actions, as a result of unconscious is exactly what gets/keeps people in trouble. Read Dr. George K. Simon! Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. So, you know better about your situation. Its also true no matter how the relationship ended. My N ex left me. Maybe they're curious as to how you're doing or maybe they want to make you jealous. He has to live with this 24/7 negativity in his life. So, I shut him down. The narcissist manufactures emotions that serve our own interests and slowly teach us to ignore our own needs. Again, I apologize for the hurt I caused, and I ask for your forgiveness for all the hurt and pain I have caused you, and pray you are healed of that pain soon.. Yes, I truly thought she may have been my soul mate after all, although even then I was skeptical at how extremely clingy she was. I did not even ask her about the money. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. I relented once or twice and regretted it. He will never change, hes not capable. I am so angry with him but dissapointed in myself! I went no contact, although not right away. Ellen, Anon is absolutely correct. Last year, an ex-colleague started to woo me. my narcissist is a parent. Of course she was wrong, again. I only mention this in order to highlight the fact that everything he claimed to love about me and find in common with himself are now the things he hates and denigrates. Perhaps we had to cut off all communication without any conversation at all. They behave in disordered ways because they are disordered and much of that is a choice. I directed a question, specifically to HER, and she couldnt even answer completely before he jumped in with HIS opinion. ITS A LOT! He told her he is waiting for To stay friends with your narcissist ex-partner isnt a good idea. It was a crazy roller coaster. Be strong and do not let anyone undermine or control you. Theyre leaving out half the story. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. Then he called me. Well scripted text message..His final sentence read Im not a bad man K [] time to fight back against hoovering. You probably want to feel like he has some kind of feelings inside so he has some humanity inside and you would feel more connected if he was also suffering. He had 4-5 jobs in the 4 years we were together. Then he moved in as a flatmate and we were good friends (so I thought). My genuine hope and prayer is that you continue to truly receive it, and be set free from the anger, resentment and bitterness. Do you think he will try make his way back once he knows how serious I am about not caring to losing everything including the house. His last email this week was that he would prefer to speak to me not email, and that tomorrow isnt promised, and if/when Im ready I know how to reach him. I have no friends lef..who would help any ways. He knows what I think of him. But this is one of the narcissists weapons of mass destruction. Ughh. No sense being his friend. The happy times we shared were almost spiritual in nature. We have two children together and he is a Deputy, his days with the girls are drop ins. and thats the hard part. And a few happy moments is not worth the price you have to pay. Referred to as the hoover (or, as I like to call it, The Hoovering, because, to me, it smacks of a scary movie! Typically, people who seek professional help do so because they have a level of self-awareness thats given them insight into their mental and emotional state. Nign mounths for you is very long time. When they try to come back onto the scene after a long stretch of silence, they have been scheming. All of them and NPD comes with varying degree of Psychopathy (DSM replaced this term with ASPD, to be politically correct, and the NPD is in the queue to be eliminated as official diagnosis.uffff). Try to remember that when things get rough. It also dawned to me how extremely immature she seemed for a 37 year old woman. I am so glad this site exist. I miss her. I wont ever be again. I would have worked with her on that. Im not healed and am still trying to get my head around the fact our entire relationship was a lie. You mentioned that you believe he has blocked you, but if I were in your shoes, I would make sure that I had blocked him from all forms of communication. In simple, the narcissist creates a belief in you (even without your knowledge) that you are unsuitable for any relationship. I hope. Meanwhile, they tell everyone around them that youre the one who wont leave them alonethey want nothing to do with you. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. Interesting. He talked and messaged 3 girls from his job continuously in the consecutive years. Then says, Im going to look into one bedroom appartments and that he just wants to make sure we can work out before we move in ETc. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. Before you know it, you have forgiven their faults, had babies by them and years have gon by and now you wish you would have left sooner. If my mother had not walked in, what would have become of us? Knowledge is power and when I confronted him and told him I had figured him out and listed his Narc traits, he was blown away and I actually think that he is afraid of me now. Im still on the roller coaster of emotion but at least i know the ride has to end eventually. I was surprised to learn these things about myself because I always thought that I had a healthy love for myself. Every time I started to walk, shed want me back in her life so badly. When would be a good time to come by to get the cable box and belongings? Like were best friends and no time is a good time in my book. The very last section is what got to me. Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists End Relationships? That would suck. But everywhere i go there is something thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything. This is a very ego materislistic sexual man who is willing to lose it all. After again a night no sleep but now really heavy anxiety. She cant get back at them specifically, so she picked you instead. It was not so much the fact that she had not yet paid me the money. There are two scenarios in which a narcissist wants their ex back. It can only be described as a LIVING NIGHTMARE. So, after theyve broken up with you and in a new relationship, the narcissist might feel that the supply theyre getting from their current partner is not as good as the supply, they got from you. I think he knows it on some level because he works so hard to be different and spiritual. But you need to know it wont be a normal post relationship friendship, you cant give the narcissist full access to your life or theyll destroy it. So many people told me they felt that he had a personality disorder. He parades her around, introduced her to his family, now contacting our old friends he ignored since divorce, but he is totally hiding her from me. It hurts and its much easier and feels exteme happy if i should react. Your child will be of value to the narcissistic father after divorce until they begin to age and start pulling away. Yes I did tell him i know he is a narc and i also told the girlfriend that she is in triangulation and she defended that of course, cause she thinks he is wonderful to the point where she told my children that failure of marriage was my fault. Want to learn about the five stages of leaving a narcissist? When theyre with a group of friends, the narcissists might say something like, wow, I cant believe how relaxed I feel now that me and Terri are not together. One way to spot a guy who is breadcrumbing? Or the Terminator you cant reason with them, they feel no regret, they feel no remorse they are sick and the pieces of the puzzle will never been finished, they will destroy your very soul. I thought nothing of it at the time, as I was just being myself. Unbelievalble. God Bless You..I was with mine for 2 years and that was enough to rip me to pieces. Years in the making, this book creates a bridge between the. He has found another source of supply for himself 2. Everything was great in the beginning, almost too good to be true (I should have noticed the red flags then!). You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. This and her finally admitting it was her ex in the car broke me. My neighbor to this day believe he left me to die after being ain a every. I block her out and I try to move on. Thanks you all for the helpful advise. It will only be a matter of time before he does this again. They cant stand rejection so they try to cover it up and make you feel as bad as they do. I would also go with Option 1. If your narcissist ex discarded you and just disappeared one day, it was because your behavior was so intolerable, they had to get out. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! 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